How to Self-soothe: Managing anxiety, depression, panic attacks

By Dr Jemma Regan

Some of us have the ability to self soothe. Some of us don’t. As a child some of us were not taught how to feel comfort when distressed. This is very powerful and whilst we may not have conscious memories of these events, they can manifest in (although not the only cause of) adult anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Many of us take for granted the ability to calm ourselves in stressful situations, some of us are overwhelmed. It is important to reach out to others, but sometimes there may not be any one around, or we may find ourselves reaching out to others too much and affecting our relationships. I am still working on my own ability to self soothe and offer some helpful strategies:

Recognition

What is really happening here? It is important to get to the root cause of an issue. Often we may give many reasons why we feel trapped in negative emotions, but the real reason may be buried deeply. Once the initial wave has passed, think what the real issue is, is it may go back years. The recognition may simply be the need to ask for professional help in the right place. Raising awareness can help lead to action.

Action

Write it down, form a plan or a strategy, either alone or with the help of a therapist. It may seem counter intuitive to deal with an emotional issue in a rational way, but having a plan of action can help to calm the emotions.

Inner Lullaby

Simply tell yourself: ‘it’s ok’ or ‘you’ve done well’. I have started to use this a lot lately. Self-promotion inside your own head is fine. I used this to prepare for my final PhD examination this year by saying, ‘ok, in a minute your heart rate is going to go up, you will feel nervous but you will be fine’. Through not repressing what is happening but applying mindfulness, you can feel more in control. Allowing yourself to experience the feelings can help to lessen their grip.

Be Kind

Think about the advice a friend would give you in this situation. Give yourself permission to take this advice, and use this advice at later dates. A friend once said in response to a break up a few years ago: ‘go in to town, buy something nice and get yourself something good to eat, it may not help in the long run but it will make you feel better now’. Or, imagine it was a friend in front of you, perhaps you would paint their nails to comfort them in the moment, make them a cup of tea, put on a comedy show for them or some nice music or take them out for a walk. Do the same for yourself. Often we feel pulled in many directions and a constant cycle of pleasing others. Ask yourself the question, ‘what would please me today?’ and listen to the answer.